6:35 p.m. on 5/25/06 ---> R.I.P. Riley Gill. The only best friend I had.

p.s.   sorry I haven't responded to any comments or updated lately. School ends in 3 weeks and I really need to study for finals

::edit::
I can't hold it inside anymore. People tell me that talking to someone about it helps, even if its just writing it down. So I'm going to write what happened. You don't have to read it. I just really need to write it down, and I don't have a journal I can write it in.

May 23rd I found out that my best friend's grandfather died. He had cancer, and thats what killed him. My friend, overcome with grief, became really depressed when he died. She loved him, but he died before she got to say goodbye. He had been in the hospital for over a week due to a complication with his lungs. She was attatched to her grandfather and he was her hero. When she found out about his death she decided to get drunk. I found out because she called me the day after confessing that she had gotten wasted. I was angry, but I also knew that was her way of forgetting about everything that happened. I tried to comfort her but I guess it wasn't enough. May 25th, around 5:30 p.m. I called her asking if she was alright. She was in tears the minute I asked her that question, and she was saying things, but I couldn't really understand exactly what she was saying. I only understood fragments like "no" and "I can't do this anymore". I was afraid she was going to do something drastic and was trying to calm her down and talk some sense into her. I knew what she was trying to do, and I started crying too. I was like "Riley, don't do this" and "please don't leave me here". I kept repeating it over and over and was trying to tell her why she shouldn't kill herself. I was still there for her and I would always be there for her. I promised her I would never forget her and that it wasn't worth killing herself. I reminded her of all the fun we had, and told her about the plans we had to go on our roadtrip when we finished highschool. It would be just the two of us and we would travel to New York, and make our way across the nation, all the way to California and back to Wisconsin. We had been saving up money for it, and already had over $1000.  I remember her last words to me. She said "This isn't goodbye. I'll see you again, and I'll be waiting for the day we meet. " Then she hung up. At this point I was hysterical. I started screaming and was crying so hard I started coughing. It was also the most inopportune moment for my parents to be gone. I tried calling her house phone, but she obviously left the phone off the hook because I wasn't getting a signal. Her cell phone was off, and I didn't know her dad's phone number. I called 9-1-1, and told them my friend was trying to kill herself.  I was waiting anxiously for any news of what happened, and whether Riley was still alive. Around 6:30 Riley's dad called me, and before he even said anything I knew what had happened: Riley had committed suicide.

Riley didn't exactly have life handed to her on a silver platter. Her brother was in jail for drug dealing, and her mom was killed in a car accident in 200o. But she did have a dad who loved her, and a friend who would never even think of being able to be mad at her or leave her. She wasn't a 4.0 student, but she was pretty smart. And she was the kind of person who had patience and tried to stop fights and solve problems.

Today was the wake, and it was open casket. I couldn't look at it. The minute I saw her casket I fell to the floor crying. In honor of her, I wore my blue graduation dress because light blue and lime green were her two favorite colors, and she loved that dress. Tomorrow I'm wearing my Guns N' Roses shirt because her idol guitarist is Slash.

Music was playing in the background while we were looking at all the pictures on the boards, and even though she wasn't a big U2 fan, she loved their song Walk On. That song was playing, and it made me happy. Happy, yet extremely sad.  She also loved Kite, and that song was played after the funeral.The actual burial is tomorrow, because her dad wanted all of her friends and family to be there for it. It was what Riley would have wanted. During the funeral, many people said speeches about her, and I was the last to go. I played 100 Years by Five for Fighting on the piano, because she loved it, but she never got to hear me play it on the piano. I never would have imagined that I would be playing that song for her at her funeral, but I hope she got to hear it. No one can replace her, and I will always remember her.